I was Erased

The story I am about to tell is so extraordinary that I am afraid I will not be believed.  Even more afraid am I, that after reading this, you will not remember having done so.  I know that that can happen, because last month my story was published on the front page of every major newspaper in America, and on the cover of every major magazine, and yet today, no one remembers any of that.

The fact is that my identity has been erased.  My birth records, my academic records, and my stellar career—all of that was removed from the public record, in an effort to silence me.  But I will not be silenced.  I will continue to speak out, until the truth is finally acknowledged.

I was born on January 8, 1948 on a small farm in Kansas.  However, that is only the beginning of the record that has been destroyed.  At the age of three, I exhibited such extraordinary intellectual advancement that the government took me from my parents (who no longer remember me), and placed me in an Ivy League university which claims not to have any transcript of my attendance.

At the age of four, I graduated magna cum laude at the head of the class of 1952, with degrees in physics, law, government and economics, among others.  By that time, I had written twenty-three books, revolutionizing science and the social arts, and been awarded fourteen prestigious titles, including five Nobel Prizes.

None of this remains in the public record.  The fact that I was Time magazine’s Toddler of the Year is no longer remembered.  In fact, Time magazine no longer even confers the Toddler of the Year award, claims never to have done so, and all records of previous recipients have been erased.

After college, I went on to become president of the United States, Pope, Secretary General of the United Nations, and an Eagle Boy Scout.

I also starred in three blockbuster movies, for which I was awarded eight Oscars.  Finally, at the age of eighteen, I was the winning professional football quarterback AND defensive linebacker, setting records in touchdowns scored by passing, by running, and interceptions returned for touchdowns.  I also was the only pitcher in baseball ever to have pitched four consecutive games in the world series, beating the opponent four games to none.  All four games were no-hitters.  In World Cup Soccer I broke every record ever previously set—never mind, you are probably already beginning to doubt some of my story.

All of that has been erased from the public memory.  I am now an unknown person, living a mediocre life, in mediocre circumstances.  Each day I bear the terrible burden of no longer receiving the accolades I once received, no longer being applauded everywhere I go by an adoring public.  My letters of advice to the President, the Pope, the United Nations, and the Boy Scouts, go unacknowledged, and probably not even read.  Even my movie-star and fashion model ex-wives, claim never to have known me, nor do my children from those marriages remember me.

I have often asked the government to at least tell me why they did this to me, but the only time I ever got anything resembling an answer, was a one-word response: “Experiment.”

By this time next week, you will not remember having read this account.  You will remember having read something—but by then, you will remember it completely differently from what I wrote—so different, in fact, that you will not believe any of it.  Even your copy of this will have been altered.

Well, the nurse says it’s time for my medications.  I will pretend to take them.