Secret Weapon (Time Travel)

This is a top secret document.  You are not authorized to read it.  You are hereby ordered to place your computer into a shredder, eat the particles that result, and then commit suicide.  After that, you are to report for debriefing.

A vital secret weapons project is underway at, well, I can’t tell you where, except to say that it is at Langley Air Force Base, building 632, room 243.  Forget I said that.  It’s a secret.

The project officially began in Tokyo, in 1943.  For those of you unfamiliar with history, Japan was at that time at war with the United States, and was bombed heavily beginning the following year.  It is important to remember this fact throughout the rest of this document.  Bear it in mind.  No, wait, forget it.

At a secret laboratory in Tokyo in 1943, the Taimu Toraburo (時間旅行) project began.  If Taimu Toraburo sounds like the words, “Time Travel” spoken in a Japanese accent, that is no coincidence.  Security at the facility was obviously lacking.

The Japanese decided to undertake this project for reasons that are shrouded in mystery.  However, according to one source whom I cannot name (actually, I would if only I could pronounce it --- it’s something like Taka-Hashi, but who knows?), the Japanese high command received a visit from a Japanese guy who said he was from the future.  This guy supposedly told the Jap high command that they had already lost the war in 1945, which was still about two years into the future at that time.

The Jap high command was not sure whether to believe this guy, but they decided to take a chance just in case.  (“Just in case” is about the only reason anybody ever takes a chance, but that discussion is for another time, preferably the past.)

The plan was to develop a time machine, then travel into the future, get the secret American war plans, and then go back to 1943 and win the war.

But in 1944, the mysterious Jap guy from the future was killed by a bomb, and his laboratory was burned to the ground by the same bomb.  For over sixty years, the entire project was forgotten.

But then, in 1965, during road construction in Japan, several vital pieces of equipment, along with fragments of documents, were dug up.  These somehow wound up at Langley Air Force Base, building 632, room 243, in May of 2005.

At first, no one paid the artifacts any attention, especially as all the documents were written in scribble scrabble.

However, at that moment, another astounding event happened.  An American man claiming to be from the future showed up and said that the Japs had won World War 2 when they had somehow come into possession of all of America’s military secrets.  And they had done that by means of time travel technology, which they had invented.

The man was informed that that could not have happened, because the Jap Taimu Toraburo project had been bombed in 1944, and had never been completed.

However, the man informed US authorities that they do not really understand time travel.  (Duh, who does?)

He said that the Japanese of the future had reconstructed the Japanese Time Travel device from documents that had not fallen into American hands.  They had then gone back in time, to 1943, completed the project, and then won the war in 1945.

But, the Americans at Langley insisted that this cannot be, because look, we’re here, and we won.

Not so fast, the American time traveler said.  Somewhere in 1943 the Japanese Taimu Toraburo project has not yet been bombed.  That means that they are still there, working on it.  And once they get it finished, they will retroactively win the war.

So what we have to do is to perfect our own Time Travel machine, and go back to 1943 and prevent the Taimu Toraburo (時間旅行)project from being put into motion.

Fortunately, we already did that next year.